That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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