dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
