I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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