It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
