Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
