I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
