So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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