So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
