Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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