cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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