Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
