What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
