No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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