They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I stole a fireplace last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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