Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
