i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize