i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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