i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
