I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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