dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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