I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
