I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize