Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
