I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They have beer where we have blood.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
