Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize