Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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