Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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