people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
