Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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