you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
