I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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