I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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