I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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