I hate your face
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
