There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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