Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
