Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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