Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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