eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
