And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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