i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
