He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
