we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
