Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
