no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
