I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
BRING THE BAGELS
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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