hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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