she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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