I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
