There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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